hw 44

Comments FROM others
Mentor:
Omar,
your project was very interesting. You touched on many important points and your analysis of the situation was very in-depth. However, if you were to expand on all the points argued your paper would be much stronger. Using more sources and including more data would also help strengthen the paper. Overall, a good start and can easily become a very good paper with some additions.

"Protege":
Omar,
I liked how you took something that is already a topic that people don't talk about much and went deeper into it. You talked about why things were happening the way they were. My favorite part was were you talked about the cycles in hospitals and how the lead to c-sections. Its crazy how things work. If you made the paper longer it probably would have been better because it looks like you can write a lot about that specific topic. Good job.

Comments FOR others

Arden,
You did a very good job of explaining your entire topic. You started off with a very strong intro which was clear, concise, and showed significance. In fact my favorite line was from the intro, where you clearly summed up the basis of your paper: "Although we have come a very long way in the physiological understanding of both pregnancy and childbirth, there are still many lingering myths and common misconceptions about them in our society." You did a very good job explaining and then disproving many common misconceptions. Constructively, if you were to expand certain sections of your paper in which a deeper explanation or analysis would benefit the readers idea of maybe why these misconceptions exist would bring your paper to the next level. good job though

Tamiko,
your paper was very good, specifically the analysis of the birthing situation. It was obvious you understood the situation of misconceptions on a basic level. What made your paper good was that you showed a true analysis of the situation; Thus, bringing your basic knowledge of the situation to much deeper more sophisticated level. You do a very good job of explaining how the alternatives for birth are limited and what the incentives are for this. However, in terms of making your paper better cutting down on repetitiveness as well as better word choice in certain sentence would greatly strengthen your paper. In addition expanding on your idea would make for better expression of your ideas(obviously that can be said about practically everyones paper). Overall, good job

Devin,
Great project. I like that you focused in on a very specific and unexplored(at least in our class) topic. You did a very good job of clearly stating what you were studying. You then do a good job of laying out the common practice and then critiquing them using statistical data and other facts from credible sources. It shows the misconception in even something so simple as when to cut the umbilical cord. It is projects such as these that make us question the system we live under. great job.